Episode 4: Community

In this episode, the hosts discuss the importance of building community through trust, connection, and collaboration. 

They explore how to navigate differences within a community, the role of AI in fostering connections, and the significance of curiosity in understanding diverse perspectives. 

The conversation emphasizes the need for intentionality in community building and the power of celebrating each other's successes to create a supportive environment.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

And we're mad. Welcome back to It Starts With Dot Dot Dot, where we're talking about the six phases of aligned co-creation between women, where we are not forcing things, we're not rushing things, but we are consciously going into building something meaningful together. And in the last couple episodes, we talked about curiosity and connection. This is Elena. For those of you listening, you'll get to know our voices. And today we're talking about community and how to create something that you're in together that is starting to build those roots. And those roots are starting to go into the ground and you're feeding it and nurturing it by doing things together. Oh thank you. Before you know it, we're gonna have a regular occurring podcast. I'm just gonna say it on the recording, so we're held accountable for it. I secretly want that. No promises. So what do we want to say about community? And this phase of community, I think it's a I think it's a one, like I said, I think it's the root-building one where you're starting to trust each other, show up for each other, um, maybe identify areas where you have a shared, since we're talking about really framework for business, but we're also sort of like clicking it out a bit to include friendships and community things like that. But I think in terms of bringing it back into business, it could be a really great opportunity to share resources and to um even help each other build what we're building. We're not sort of we're not co-creating yet. We're just like, what are you working on? I think sounding board, this is a really good sounding board phase. Um, sharing like, hey, what do you use for podcasting? This is what I use, and like really becoming resources for each other emotionally and also in in a business sense. And it doesn't mean that you're like seeing each other every day, but you're starting to create an identity of connection, whether it's like, well, we're we're dancers together or we're marketers together, or like there's a really great marketing uh business here who started um not exactly monthly, right? Is it uh like the the marketing? Marketers meetup. Yeah, it's uh I think it might it might be monthly now. Yeah, yeah. It didn't start off that way, but it's it organically grew to like a more consistent. Yeah, what a great way to connect people who are like have a shared interest and want to be in a room together. And normally there's like I I I want to go to one, it hasn't worked out with my schedule, but like where you're not competing, you're just there, you're like connecting over a shared interest, and what a great place to go to like find your people and have that like sense of camaraderie and and creating something together. So maybe we can share about communities that we've either created or have been part been part of. Um, I think I want to start personally with like the community that we the three of us have created, like the trifecta, where going off of what you're saying of like the the competition component of like the marketers meetup or whatever, like there's I love that there's none that exists here with us. And it's really truly just like rooting for each other and coming together and like building together, but then also understanding where there are opportunities that each of us can build out for our individual businesses and goals. Um and I just I really love that component that we all have that is truly like not just cheerleading, but like true, genuine, like going to the rooted word. We are rooting for each other, like we really do care about the success of one another and can reflect because we have gone through curiosity and connection and have known each other well enough now to be able to see different opportunities for each other. Or if I'm working on a project where I'm like, oh, and I can see like some more collaboration opportunities, like because I'm at the stage where I do not want to do anything on my own, um, where I can kick off things, uh potential things I'm working on to other to you gals as well, too. And so I do love that about our dynamic and the community that we are building, um, and looking for those opportunities for each other and just really rooting for one another, like truly deeply. Um and then other communities, I mean, like, you know, we've built a community here at Her Connection Hub. So it's uh that's we're in community with one another every single day, all day. It is very different, though, building a community and holding the container of it like we do at Her Connection Hub versus participating in it like we, the three of us, do as a trifecta. Um, very, very different. Both amazing, and there's so many benefits. And there is a really big difference from being the facilitator to really truly being just one of three. Yeah. Not leading or corralling or planning, or it's like truly we're we're in connected community um in a very different way than being in connected community as like a facilitator. That makes sense. For sure. Yeah. It's two different things, right? One, you are creat you're building it yourself and you're calling in other women to be part of a community. And the other is you're a full participant in what it is the three of us are creating together. Yeah. And when I think of community, I really think of I'm very intentional about the communities that I am a part of or that I have been a part of. And it's like this shared vision, right? There's a vision, there's a mission or something that I like I can really get behind. And I want to be a part of it in some way. I want to be actively a part of it. Um, so coming to the hub is a great example. That was so important to me to find other like-minded women who are running their businesses, who I can be connecting with and just talking with about the ups and the downs and not feeling quite so isolated when I was just working for myself, like at home. And basically my entire business was online. So that physical, being in space with people around, you know, that community is important. And yeah, the community that we are actually building, even though it is just three of us right now, we have a shared vision for who we want to call into this community and how we want to support other women have, you know, transformation in their personal and professional lives. And we all can really get behind that. And all of us bring something so different to that. Like we're it is this weaving together as we go. And so that building looks different. Yeah. And it's really exciting. Yeah. That's where I like I like lean into that. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that viscerally. Yeah. I think it also gives you an opportunity, like with our little community here, it gives you an opportunity to lean deeper into our gifts because I guarantee you the three of us can each do each other's thing. Yeah. Like if we had to do it. We're like, go together, talk about intuition. Yes, go talk about less. Like you can do it. It's true. We can all do it to a certain degree. But is it lit up? Is it like, oh my gosh, did you see what you just did? Like when we when we did our last workshop, I think there was this like really cool experience of like, dude, look what she's doing. Like, that was so cool. Like, we should all do that. Like we should all have a moment, like such fans of one another, even more so. Like, we already were like, Yeah, she's amazing. And then, like, when we were all in sync and flow in that way, I was just like, I am just like in love with you two and what you did and what you created. It's like, yeah, yeah. And so I think in that way, like you're allowed to be in your gift even more. And it just takes away competition, it takes away any sense of like, I could do it better because I don't want to do it. Like, this is what I want to do. I want to do my thing. And I want to be the best at my thing, and I want to be able to support these women that we're working with in a way that is so unique because you can do all things okay, but there's one or two things that you can do really, really well. And so when you're in community, and that's that's an aspect of community where we are not only creating an identity with each other that we're like, we're the trifecta, we got this, but also like, and I get to just sort of lean back and do my thing when it's time and know that um another piece of it is I think there's so many opportunities for us to do things alone in a silo in isolation behind our little laptops, and you know, we can create now it's all these tools, and with AI, you're supposed to like let it be your bestie and tell you all the things. It could be your coach, your therapist, your you know partner, like, oh my god, it's freaking insane. We're not gonna go there right this minute. Yeah. Well, actually, maybe it is a good opportunity to like address the AI elephant in the room, too, because there's there's nothing that's going to recreate the feeling of being in real, real community with human beings. Like you can sit and talk to your AI all day, and all it's doing is regurgitating existing like a bit of an echo chamber. And it's always gonna validate, it's never gonna like all the things. It's gonna not gonna challenge you, no matter how wonderful the algorithm gets and how human like the robots get. Like, you know, like you know, like you know that a human experience is is unique in its own way. And in in creating the community with your own people, you're almost like being a little bit of a rebel to the assumption that AI is taking over everything. Because it's not unless you let it, right? Like it's not unless you let it. It is a great tool. We use it for brainstorming and and gathering and organizing information. And like, there's it's cool. I love technology. Got my first computer when I was 12. Like, I love it, but it's it's it's still a cold, hard machine. Like it's not the same. So the community aspect is actually, I think, vital for us to be conscious of creating now as AI ramps up in other areas of our lives. And I was just making notes because I didn't want to forget on my phone. Um, because there's a really special co-regulation element when you're in a room with other people, when you're in flow together. And so, you know, there's two ways to regulate. One is self-regulation. You can do a bunch of practices by yourself, in your home, whatever, to help you move into regulation. But the other is with other people. And when there's a trust that's built, or there's that connection we talked about in our last episode, when that's present, your system reads that and it moves you into regulation, which means you are more open, you're more curious, you're more in tune with your truth or your intuition. And all of those things, I mean, all of us have been in those positions where we're like, oh my gosh, the creative well is so strong. It's really exciting. That's where we're gonna get to later, collaboration begins to happen. So co-regulation from a nervous system standpoint happens in community. And so you wanna be really intentional about who you are in community with.

unknown 11:14

Right?

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Ah, so important. The other piece I wanted to share is um a pitfall of being in community. And I think, you know, there's a lot I've read more recently where, especially given just the let's just say the world climate, what's happening in politics, what's happening in the world these days, there's a lot of division. And so there's this reaction naturally to be in more community with people. And then there's a bit of a backlash because there's this assumption that when we're in community, we're not gonna be in conflict. And that's not true. When we're in community, we're bringing all of who we are, all of our opinions, all of the things. We're human beings, right? This is obvious, you're not gonna get that on AI. You're gonna get somebody saying exactly what you want to hear, right? Back to you or the bot. But I think that's like both a real positive and can be a real rub when you're in community, is it's not easy all the time. There's going to be disagreement, there's gonna be some discomfort. And so I don't want to have this conversation today without talking about like that's really natural when you get into community that there's going to be just some variances, right? It's not gonna be super smooth because community is not about everybody thinking the same thing all the time. How boring would that be? Exactly. Exactly. You grow your edge or learn something new. Like, you know, we have the experiences and perspectives and things that we bring to the table. And I become a more empathetic, understanding, more well-rounded human when I hear other sides of things. Beyond just how I was raised or the faith that I was raised in, or, you know, any of the experiences I've had when I can hear and connect, and um that happens at the hub all the time. And I really love that about it, where I might as a parent connect with somebody about um the stressors or the joy or the all of the different things about like raising kids. And there are quite a few parents in here that have like adopted kids. There's a completely different element that I'm like not under like I don't have experience with, and I'm like learning from them on a completely different level, which is just like so cool and beautiful, but only can get because there is like this different lived experience and perspective and completely different dynamic that I have never experienced before. Um, and I so I just I think it is is so important, and it does, yeah, it becomes ripe for disagreement and conflict or difference of opinions. And expecting that to be instead of assuming that it won't is healthy. Yeah. And I think also like pulling that, like letting curiosity sit on your shoulder. Yes, right, as a little word of like reminder, like ask questions, don't assume. Um, I think it's a really like we said at the beginning, this is like a spiritual growth opportunity to personal development where you are in community with people. And I do think every single person listening has experienced being in a room or even in an online community where someone's not saying something that you agree with. And there's a tendency right now in our collective consciousness to quickly say, not for me, not my person, I'm not them, they're not me, they're they're whatever you label them. And I think it's um a really potent opportunity to say, okay, interesting. I wonder why they think the way they do. Because if you've already established you are interested in, like, maybe it's not a random person online, please don't like, who cares? Like, move on. Move on with your day. We're talking about intentional a lot. Conscious connections. Yes. If you are, if you are getting to know someone and you do find that there's a difference of opinion, whether it's political or health or lifestyle, whatever it is, like let that curiosity go deeper and wonder if, like, okay, interesting. Can I be in connection with someone who shares this very different, either political or whatever view? And can I then be curious? Like, well, tell me a little bit more, like, why do you feel that way? Because maybe you'll learn something, maybe you'll pop your mind open a little bit to say, like, well, I really don't agree with that, but I can see where you're coming from. Yeah. Wow, like what an adult thing to say. It's okay. And I mean, I know that I have been in situations where I'm like, I do sort of quickly judge, like, not for me. I'm like, okay, wait. I mean, I've been in a marriage with someone where like we fully disagreed on this is years ago, on politically something. And I'm like, I'm like, how can you think like that? What is your brain? Tell me, open your brain and tell me. Like it was playful, you know, but like I couldn't understand where he was coming from in this particular situation. And I grew from it because I do love this person, I do respect the person. We do have a connection, obviously. Obviously, we're not gonna, you know, but hey, listen, I have seen examples online of people like breaking families and like long-term friendships and all kinds of things breaking up businesses because of whatever the divisive element is in the room. So as you're building connections, like what if you could be someone who doesn't make the assumption, is curious about where the other person's coming from, because you don't know what their life experience is and where they're coming from and what their family history is, and maybe you don't want to know and you're not curious, and that's okay too. That's fine. You can honor that, but you can also still honor the fact that they're not you and you're not them. And it's interesting that there is this like rise of like, if you don't think exactly like me, then you're not for me at the same time that like AI and the use of it and confirmation bias keeps like, you know, we look for those things like confirm our own biases or like to tell us that we're right or whatever. And it's just an interesting element that I think is like worth acknowledging because like some things, like, yes, maybe they really do matter, but some things don't. Like, some it doesn't matter if somebody thinks differently about you as a for a specific thing or instance, or you know, how I raise my kids versus my sister, how she raises her kids. Like it just it doesn't matter a lot of the times. And we can coexist with people that like bring such a different element, and uh and it's just it is so sad to see like it be taken to such an extreme level. And it I don't think that that is I think that that commonality there is worth noting in the tie where it's just like we just kind of look for who always agrees with us. AI. Yeah, ours, the algorithms on whatever, right? So it's it's just it's just interesting like how that like I think plays into a part and has created almost more divisiveness because at the end of the day does that for sure. Doesn't all really matter. There's it's so interesting because I think again, coming back to curiosity, it's like I always want to understand like what is somebody's reasoning, like how did they get to this point? And you had showed that too, like we all have our experiences. And the other thing, I think two things can be true at the same time, right? I want to understand that I may not agree with it, and then I also want to see how that person shows up in their world, in their life, like with integrity, like are they in alignment with them, what they believe, like those types of things. And I can really respect and admire how somebody shows up and still disagree with something, and that's okay, right? Because of how they show up. If they showed up in a way that wasn't an integrity, then it would all be like, okay, that's my reason for wanting to step back. Um, but everybody has a reason. And that's the part. If we go back to our when our one of our first episodes around the depth, like there's always more, there's always more. And that's where I want to understand and try to connect because I think we're more alike than we are different. And I think it's the external world that wants us to believe that we're actually, you know, we're this or we're that, right? Like these are the camps. And I just see so much where we're just so much more alike than we are different. I really do. Yeah. And you feel that too. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a growth element to like if you're consciously like opening yourself up to not necessarily agreeing with someone's opinion, but really understanding, yeah. You're allowing yourself to grow and shift and evolve in a way that doesn't keep you caged in whatever definition of yourself you had, right? Because I know I've been humbled many times in my life doing things and like, oh my gosh, I I never thought I would ABC. I never thought I would do, but here I am doing it. Like, yeah, I I grew, I evolved, it was life, I didn't get it. Like I knew everything at 21 and saying no much less now about things, you know, and I had really strong opinions about a lot of things, which is normal and natural, very idealistic when we're sort of just coming up into figure out, figuring out who we are. And then we live through a bunch of shit. And then we're like, well, maybe it's not to left like that. I miss just like conspiracy theories, like, right? Like, oh, like you believe there's a Sasquatch. Like, yeah, I actually fully do. Now it's just like I cannot be friends with you because you believe there's Sasquatch. Oh my gosh. I know conspiracy theory. For real. Listen, I could pretty grabbing holes all day long. Oh my god, yeah, for me too. And it's fascinating. It used to just be like, oh, yeah, like, oh, she's a flat earther. Like, okay. There's some old friends. Well, tell me more. That's the shape. I'd be concerned. Am I gonna drop off at some point? Tell me what's going on. Like, I think there's where can I go before I do fall off? Yeah. Yeah. I think there's this like, do I really know everything about everything? No. And I think if you are listen, uh, like I said, I can talk about spiritual theory the whole day long. I love it. I've watched the flat earth videos, I've watched like all the FBI stuff. I've fascinating to me. It's so fascinating to me. But it doesn't mean I automatically agree with everything I watch. I'm questioned interested. Exactly. Because I think A, there's so much more than meets the eye to the world. And if you think everything you see is all there is, okay, we definitely won't have many things to talk about. That's great. Like I want to get into it. I love. I love all the crazy theories. It's really fun and and and just you know I can yeah, I love to know how things are made and where we come from. Where's a few shot clips? You know really where like you think that most of Washington is forest and not real. I mean crazy. I've heard things. Okay. Maybe not about Sasquatch. But I may not, I may not feel strongly about the Sasquatch, although I'm open. I I'm like have had enough, yeah, paranormal experiences that I'm like, we are not the only ones here. We have jumped. Oh my gosh. I but I love that. Like it's I just I also want to have those conversations and like I want my eyes to be like wide open. And I may be like, oh no, that doesn't resonate, but I still want to understand. Yeah, and I think it's really when it's gonna go. It is, it's just it's an issue. No one's getting hurt, no one's getting hurt. Yes. I think it like it just, you know, if we are at least open to the idea that we don't know everything, yes, that other people have information that we have not learned yet, or have an experience. Yeah, and that you grow and evolve, and you know, you can sort of like check in with yourself and be playful about it too. But coming back to like the community aspect of it, you know, we're not saying like be someone different, and we're not saying like accept everything, everything's okay. Because I think that's also like you want to have values and standards and criteria for your life and the connections that you have. So if you're super, super just like not into having that conversation and someone wants to force it, and you can just be on, I don't want to talk about that. Like, we can talk about this, I don't want to talk about that. Like maybe you're just not ready to have that conversation, that's okay too. Like, I get that, right? I think there's also the opportunity, like in this day and age, talking about where technology is so helpful, if you're looking for a community, like if you're looking for the Sasquatch community group for Western Washington, you can find it online. It does exist. Or you can create one. Exactly. But and no, all joking aside, like I do feel like, you know, years ago, and I remember this when I was still living in Vancouver, and my colleague, who was a very good friend of mine, her mom was really trying to meet new people. She was um divorced for a number of years and just this really wonderful sassy, like had all this energy, right? She just wanted to meet new people, and she was of um Ukrainian descent and wanted to meet other people who were like part of that community, but she was also interested. It was really, really weirdly specific, the group she was looking for, and she found it on meetup.com in Vancouver, and she was like, she met her people. Like there, all jokes aside, there are so many ways to be in community with people if you have something that is of real interest to you. And what I love about the larger community is that there's more diversity. Like you can find the group that is just about the Sasquatches, Heather. You can. And I can find the group that is like the multidimensional, like, you know. I feel like I'm pigeonballing myself. No, but no, I'm just kidding. And I'm just using that as a bit more than a squatch. Of course you are. You're so what we're talking about is culture, really. Culture, community, and then there's like the culture with the city. Absolutely, as like, you know, yeah, you at a restaurant you can order the vegan thing if you want to, but there's also like something else for you. Yeah. But it's is like the each um culture has like a kind of core belief system and a common language, and it doesn't necessarily mean that everybody is copy paste, lives exactly the same. But yeah, it is like that belief in something that brings people together. And that's really what we're talking about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And this is almost like a little footnote to community because once you're curious about someone and you want to start leaning into that shared interest and you've created an identity for yourselves, we we're like, we are the ones who go dancing, maybe whatever. We're the ones who go to these, you know, business events together, like we travel to retreats together, like you have this identity. Then we're what we're, I think what we're talking about is like to layer it with an understanding of that you're still humans who have different opinions and different things, and don't let those things sort of sway you from creating that connection community. Um, go read four agreements again. Like, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions because you can always ask a question. You can always let that little curiosity burn on your shoulder say, like, well, tell me why you feel that way. Like, I don't agree with it, but tell me why you feel that way. I mean, how many relationships would we save if someone just said, like, I don't agree with what you're saying, but I want to know why you think it's yeah, yes. I mean, come on, like everyone wants to be heard and seen and not judged automatically for one thing. Um, and that's that's the reciprocal part, right? So when we are judging somebody else, like that's then not allowing us to be seen fully, right? It's like we're shutting somebody else down that like it is reciprocal. It is absolutely it goes both ways. Yeah, thank you for mentioning that. Yeah, I think there will be times where someone is is not open to sharing or sure or even being in community with someone who thinks very differently in one way or another. And I have, I think we've all had those experiences where like this is just sort of like the that's where it ends, that's where the road ends, and that's okay too. And I think that's that's why we want you to be intentionally curious and and conscious around building this framework. Because imagine if you're like curious about someone you meet and you're like, oh, we should go create a retreat together, we should go do a workshop together. And then as you're creating it, like you realize you don't really know this person, and there's things that you just haven't addressed through account. And again, this this whole framework can happen pretty quickly, but I think if you're spending time with someone getting to know them, you'll know very quickly if this is someone you want to invest your time, energy, money with or not. And that's okay because that's where discernment comes in, and you still get to be a discerning human being who chooses to say, I really like you, but I it's not something I want to do, or we're just gonna leave it at this. Like we're just gonna keep it very like sort of surface until or if or ever we want to go deeper and create because not every connection has to turn into like anything, that's right, besides just the connection for fun. Absolutely. Yeah, not all of those connections are gonna develop roots. Yeah. So you mentioned this a little bit already, Heather, a little preview of the next piece, which is celebration, where you do start to see each other and genuinely acknowledge each other. And I want to share, and we're all gonna share, how to do this really intentionally and starting to do it in a way that um builds you both up, in a way that builds your work up together, to be very like genuinely celebrating each other. This is where you start seeing the potential for a little bit of like envy, a little bit of like, I want that too, and how you can alchemize that into something that's more about pointing you in the direction of your own desires, versus like, oh, if I celebrate them, there's less for me. That's not how it works. We sort of we this is where you get a little bit more like magical, like the more you celebrate, the more you create, the more you bless each other, the more, the more abundance you can both have. So it's gonna be a really fun one. And we're gonna talk about fun ways to celebrate the people in your life that you're moving closer to and community. Um, anything else you want to add around community before we sign off and hop into celebration from the next episode? Go to meetup.com to find your watch group today. Not sponsored.